Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Chapter 5 - Having Understood The Truth V

At Home

I had a feeling of nostalgia as I unpacked all the belongings I used during my boarding school life. Now I feel like an old woman. Mom and Dad go out to work and my brothers and sisters are spending their regular lives, commuting to school and nursery school. If I'm the only one in the family leading an undisciplined life, I'll become a burden to them, so I should at least try to lead a planned life:

1. I'll address people properly: "Thank you," "Good morning," etc.
2. I'll try to speak words sharply and clearly.
3. I'll try to become a considerate grown-up.
4. Training. I'll gain some strength and help with the housework.
5. I'll find something to live for. I don't want to die while I still have things I must do.
6. I'll try to stick to the family routine (times for meals, baths, etc.)

Damn! Damn! I bang my head against pillow.

Everyday between 8 a.m. and 5 p.m., I stay here by my self. I'm unbearably lonely. I write my diary or some letters, I watch the TV program Tetsuko no heya (Tetsuko's Room), and I have some lunch. Then I wipe the floor, partly as a form of training. I'm leading a life which is free, but, in fact, it cannot freely be controlled.

I feel relieved when we all have dinner together, But then I feel lonely again when I go to bed, thinking that tomorrow will be just the same as today. Just as I was feeling like that, I toppled forward, even though I was in a sitting position. I broke the crown on my toot that I'd bothered to have put in.

"Aya, your voice has been getting smaller recently," Mom said to me. "Your lung capacity's decreasing, so I think you should train to speak out more. Why don't you sing loudly during the daytime? Nobody will laugh at you. And when you ask everyone to come together, call us so loudly we'll all be surprised! Why don;t you practice a bit now?"

I sat on the floor with my back straight and cried out, "Hey!" My pitch was very high and we both burst out laughing. I tried again : "Hey!" My brothers and sisters came running downstairs, all shouting, "What's going on?"

I did it!

"Fromnow on," Mom explained, "Aya will shout 'Hey!' whenever we want everyone to come together for something. Well, now you're all here, how about some dessert?"

We all laughed at the humorous way Mom spoke and then we ate some bananas.

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