I don't wanna grow-up Harsh words come out of my mom's mouth as I cry endlessly.
"Showing thoughts through crying is what a baby does! You're making high school students look bad!"
I became even more miserable and continued to cry (like a small lamb in the forest). Dear Emi-chan (my cousin),
Emi-chan, why is Aya such a crybaby? Why can't I laugh naturally like I used to? I want to go back to the past!
I wanna make a time machine and ride it to go back to the past. Watch myself run, walk, roll around, and play with you... but then I come back to reality.
Do I really have to come back to reality?
I don't wanna grow up!
Time...please stop! Tears...stop falling!
Ahh...Aya just can't seem to stop crying.
It's already 9PM. Time will continue to move even if I break all the clocks in the world.
I can't stop time as long as I live.
It's not about giving up... I just can't do anything about it. I love walking on the road.
In 7th grade, I walked 5km from my house to the audio-visual center.
If I pick up flowers as I walk, and look up at the blue sky, it's not a pain to walk at all.
I loved walking more than riding a bicycle or a car.
Only if I can walk on my own... One friend says that she feels like a bad kid when she's alone. Another friend says that she feels most like her human-self, when she's alone just day dreaming.
When I'm alone...I don't like being alone, being alone is scary! I wonder what my purpose of life is.
People always help me, but I can't do anything in return.
To me, studying is my source of life, but I can't find anything that is more important. I can't walk the hallway which is only 3 meters.
Can't a human live only with their mind?
Can't I walk using only my upper half of the body? I wanna be like the air. The good-hearted person whose kindness overflows and people realize how important she was to them, once she is gone.
I wanna be that kind of person. We had a seat change in class, and now I'm sitting in the front row.
I need to plan out which path to take when I'm late for class. I need to becareful with my health or else I'll yawn, get a stuffy nose, and feel sick. For snack, I ate baked sweet potato. It was really good.
It's only 2:30 but it seems like the sun is setting.
I didn't notice how most of the sakura leaves from the Inari Mountain had fallen.
Oh that reminds me! The school's maidenhair(ichou no ki) tree is turning!!
Walking... by holding onto my friend's shoulders and the wall of the hallway, I fall when I look up. Today is open house. I'm glad my parents didn't come. I just don't seem to like the mothers.
I get frustrated and my tears start to drop when they look at me from top to bottom with those discriminating eyes that say "There's a handicap person."
Who would ever choose to have this kind of body! I couldn't help it, but to cry at dinner, when I was thinking about those mothers who came to open house.
I know its no use crying, I'm sorry mother. I went to parent-teacher conference with my mom. If I try a little harder in math, I would be in top class! Let's do it Aya-chan! It's 11:00. I can see the half moon smiling through the east window.
I wonder if I can pray if I turn off the light.
Living with my healthy classmates, I sometimes feel an uncontrollable frustration. It sucks.
But, when you look at it in another way, this frustration becomes a motivation for me to study harder.
I love Higashi-kou (Aichiken-ritsu Toyohashi Higashi High School), my teacher, S-chan, Y-ko-chan, M-e-chan, I love everyone.
I also love my senpai who gave me a chocolate when I was waiting at the candy shop!
Hi everyone...I know it's been sooo long since my last update...and I'm really sorry. I will really try harder to keep this updating, because Aya's diary should be read by many people. I'm not the best or nearly the best translator but I will try my best to translate her diary so that I can share her wonderful diary, which is very inspiring, and has alot to say about life. Also, thank you for everyone who has been waiting patiently, leaving me messages, sending me emails. I really appreciate your uplifting encouragements. Alright, so now for the sidenote for this entry, the part where it says "the maidenhair tree is turning," that means the leaves are turning into different colors, like red, orange, yellow because its autumn. Also, "senpai" means uppper-classman, so if Aya was a freshman, then her senpai would be any sophomores, juniors, or seniors. -Kiwi | 
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