Chapter 3.14 - 16 years old- The beginning of agony1

The Farewell

4 more days until the closing ceremony.
It seems like they are folding 1000 cranes for me (This is just my guess).
I will always keep it in my heart that I-san and G-san were folding those cranes for me, so that I will not forget even if we have to say goodbye.
It makes me happy that they are wishing for my happiness...but I wanted them to say, "Aya-chan, please don't go!"
My heart is full of hatred to my friends who didn't say that to me and to myself, for not trying harder so that people would say that to me.
But...to keep my promise with Mrs. Motoko (which is to not think badly of my friends), I didn't say anything.

When I told my mom, she started singing, "Forget about the past. If you keep looking back, you won't be able to move forward. Walk three steps forward, then two steps back.Life is～"
I started to laugh.

A friend gave me a cycad fruit. It's color is orange.
I love this color...it's such a really warm color.

I talked with Mrs. Motoko for the last time.
She listened to all my complaints.
"Don't be so harsh on yourself. Life isn't just about studying and school. What can you do if you're thrown into society when you only have academic skills? Studying was merely an escape route for your. You've avoided carrying your own bag, and washing dishes and only concentrated on studying... am I right? That's why your view of life is so narrow. You need to create a revolution. You should be happy that you were at least able to go to a normal school for a year. At the handicap school, there are children who have lived in hospitals all their life. Compared to them, you've been hit with the harshness of society, so you know not to always rely on people. For a 16 year old, you have an immature side and a mature side. You're an unbalanced person. This is because you haven't experienced enough of life for a 16 year old. It's not too late yet, so don't give up. Go and gain lots of things at handicap school, that you couldn't gain at Higashikou. You can even cause mischief. You can do it! But, it would have been better for Higashikou if you would have stayed."

I was really thankful to be able to meet such a great teacher. I'm going to tell her "goodbye" with a big smile.

When exams are over, there's no school until the closing ceremony.
My parents planned a small party for my friends, and all the people who helped and supported me this year.
We talked, played poker, and played gomoku narabe.
S-chan gave me a coffee cup, Y-ko-chan gave me a music box, and A-ko-chan gave me a dry flower.
My mom each gave us a fountain pen saying, "Goodluck with your studies and I would be happy if you would sometimes remember Aya when you look at this pen."
We all became silent. When I realized that the time for "goodbye" had finally come, my tears started to flow, but I tried hard to keep it from falling. I had promised myself to not say goodbye in tears.

I had a really fun time, but once everyone left, I became lonely and cried like a baby.

Sidenote: Closing Ceremony is when all the students of the school get together in the auditorium and the principal gives a speech. It is similar to a graduation, but different, since there is a closing ceremony on the last day of every semester. Also, there is a custom to fold 1000 cranes out of origami, to wish for the health of the sick people. Lastly, gomoku narabe(5 stones in a row) is a board game with white and black stones and the point of the game is to get 5 stones of your color in a row.

-Kiwi