Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Chapter 3.20 - 16 years old- The beginning of agony

Change of School. Life in the Hostel.

A car full of daily items, I finally join the Special School. Other students have also started going to school once the new term starts. The room was very big and spacious like a classroom and there’s a small passageway at the middle of the room with Tatami lying on the floor to differentiate the left and right of the room.

Everyone have his or her own study table, cabinet and lamp. The area nearest my room is my castle.
“You do not need these things yet, so it will be tight above; daily items that you will need everyday will be within reach.” Mum said as she unpacks everything for me.
Besides me, there were a few other girls’ mum busy unpacking for them, nobody bothered about my presence and I wondered if it should be a good or a bad thing.

“You have to forget about your previous school soon, and be a student here.” Teacher told me. For trying to forget the past as soon as possible, I kept the school badge in the deepest cornet of my drawer.

It’s getting more and more difficult for me to walk forward properly. I had to use all my might holding onto the handrails and my mouth would kept repeating…’ Don’t’ be afraid… Don’t be afraid…’ ‘Is it that I really can’t do it anymore?’ I wondered, and thinking these depressing things really makes me very lost.

“Human Beings sure can walk!”
B teacher words still linger around my mind. I also think so too! I want to walk forward and fight this on my own.

While on my way to the classroom, I fell down. I was crying and Teacher A saw me. He asked, “Are you feeling sad?” And I answered, “Instead of feeling sad, I think I felt unfair!”

Why do human beings use their legs to walk? It is natural to see friends running with their legs but now I can’t stop wondering why they can run and not me. Now walking is already a difficult task for me. Is this a correct choice to choose where I am now? Sometimes watching kids playing baseball… teacher playing with students at the hallway… Really makes me feel scary and lost.

Although I am no longer the student in my previous school, I still can’t acknowledge myself the reality of me being a student in this Special school.
If a stranger asked me which school I am from, this might be my answer I guess…

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