I wanted to transfer schools by making the decision all on my own.
I have been telling myself that I would put an end to it by the third semester.
Mr. N, until today I have respected you and trusted you. It disgusts me how, he can just put an end to it like this.
He could have just told me directly, "Go to the handicap school, because this school can't take care of you any longer," instead of telling my mom, "It is taking her longer to get from class to class."
If he would just tell me straight forward, then it would be much easier for me to make my decision.
Stop staring at me!! Gosh this is so irritating.
He asked me, "Has your mother told you anything yet?"
Why do you have to hint everything! Just tell me!
Although my life is a continuation of hardships everyday, why couldn't you listen to what I had to say, so that I can leave this school feeling a little better.
If you would have let me talked, I could have easily said I will be transfering schools from junior year...
I was planning to go to the handicap school from April but...
I wanted to leave this school with confidence but I can't even do that now.
I can't leave feeling like this....
I talked to S-chan.
"At the handicap school you'll no longer be special, so you won't have to feel as distressed as you used to. But... if you have the desire to do things quickly, you can do it, so why don't you put some effort into it?"
I felt a sharp knife go through me.
Our friendship stays strong because of her 99% kindness and 1% strictness, so I didn't cry.
My emotions become numb when I'm in a great shock.
S-chan taught me to "think."
I was re-born.
Although I am physically handicapped, I thought my intelligence were the same as any healthy person.
Missing a step while climbing the stairs and falling all the way down...that's what it feels like.
My friends and teachers are all healthy. This truth makes me sad, but there is nothing I can do about this difference.
I am going to leave Higashikou and I will live "alone" carrying this heavy package called handicap.
I at least needed 1 litre of tears to make this decision and I will need more in the future.
I don't want to cry anymore.
Losing makes me frustrated.
If you feel frustrated, do something about it!
I can't continue to lose.
My first visit to the doctors' after New Years.
I was a little relieved after talking with Dr. Yamamoto.
Enthusiasm stirred up inside me.
My mother quickly talks about transferring to the handicap school.
My doctor said she would ask the board of education.
I started to get my hopes up, but even that was easily popped like a bubble.
I suddenly remembered myself being very rebeliious these past few days.
You(as in myself) have been relying too much on people.
I just realized this.
You have been taking advantage of the people around you.
That's why your friends got tired. It's too late to realize now.
We ate out at "Asakuma" (restaurant), which we haven't gone to in a while. My mother told my siblings about me transferring to the handicap school. I became irritated and said, "They already know, so don't talk about it!"
"It's true that Aya, you're the one transferring, but its not just about you. It's important for all of us to think, help, and cheer up one another, in order to solve family problems. This connection is very important," my mother said.
It's better to be naked once. I started to think that there is no need to feel the excitement.
Hamburger steak was really good. I ate icecreamm, which was for dessert in a second.
W-kun, O-kun, D-kun, thank you for always saying "hi" to me. It really made me happy.
M-kun thank you for carrying my bag.
I was finally able to say "Hi!" to H-kun...
This year was very long.
I really enjoyed this year with everyone. I'm finally ready.
Goodbye and take care...
Hi everyone, I'm sorry my update is late!! I caught a cold and had to concentrate on my schoolwork(TmT)
I'm okay now so no worries!! I'll continue the update(^^)v
For the sidenote, "It's better to be naked once" might be a little difficult to understand, but it simply means that once someone is naked (not literally, more like emotionally,mentally, inwardly), they can see something new. Like standing at a starting point.
I hope that wasn't too confusing!
-Kiwi
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